Dolling Up and Education: Sara's Self-Created Identity
By Lisa Li
Passage: 182-183 “Late into the night I spent fixing myself up … and not how
you look.”
In this passage, Sara attempts to doll herself up to look prettier, but ends
up washing the make-up off in shame. This failure to be comfortable with her
make-up drives Sara to study even harder – evidently, there is a link between
Sara dolling herself up, and educating herself – and this suggests that they
are both part of Sara’s quest to create her own identity.
In Sara’s dolling-up descriptions, it is quite explicitly stated that Sara
sees this as a way to re-make her identity. When she looks in the mirror, she
sees a “new self”, and more importantly, one that “I had made”. The descriptions
of her new self are full of action – she talks of “pinning the roses on my hat”,
“trying on my lace collar” and “daubing on lipstick and rouge” – and this is
in sharp contrast to her ‘normal’ appearance of looking tired, passive and drab.
Even in her imagination she is active in creating a new identity – she “saw
herself in bright red and dazzling green and gold”.
This liveliness and vibrancy that Sara displays in dolling herself up is also
shown by the colour contrast – she wears red “lipstick and rouge” and “red roses”
on her hat, and she imagines herself in “..dazzling green and gold”. In contrast,
her original identity (in terms of appearance) is characterized by being “pale”
and “colourless”.
Sara’s normal appearance is that of an “old maid”, and her newly dolled-up
face is likened to “a young girl in the height of her bloom” – this contrast
between old and young can perhaps be seen as an analogy of the difference between
the Old World and the New World. With this interpretation, the act of dolling
herself up could be considered ‘New World’ behaviour, a form of self-created
identity.
However, as the passage suggests, although this dolling-up is certainly part
of the ‘New World’ that Sara wants to be in, it is merely a false kind of identity
that does not truly reflect the self. This failure of dolling-up is conveyed
through the words used to describe her make-up, such as “false face”, “mask”
and “painted face”. Also, Sara refers to herself as a “dolled-up dummy fixed
for a part on the stage”, emphasizing the falsity of this act of dolling-up.
The change in the terms used to describe herself (from a pretty “young girl”
to a “false face”) shows her realization that dolling-up is a false way to create
her own identity, because she is not as gay and light-hearted as the “lipstick
and rouge” suggest.
Thus Sara abandons the dolling-up as a way to create her own identity, and
she turns to education – and here is the link. Just like dolling-up, this intellectual
identity is self-created as well – the difference being that the dolled-up identity
is based on superficial looks, whereas the intellectual identity is based on
the inner person. Education would allow her to be in a world (the “educated
world”) where her identity is based on “the thoughts you give out”, not “how
you look”.
Perhaps the difference between dolling herself up and educating herself can
be understood more clearly when we consider Sara’s aim in dolling herself up
– quite clearly, it is to look “like the other girls”. Thus all her actions
in creating this pretty new identity are focused externally towards the other
girls – in contrast, by throwing herself into her studies, the identity that
she creates is one that is internally-focused on her intellect and her thoughts.
Sara’s education seems to be the better option for a self-created identity,
because it is based on her own personality and mind, rather than an appearance
that is based on other people.
In this passage, there is a tension between Sara’s dolling-up and her studies,
because it is not clear which she will choose to base her identity on. However,
it is interesting to note that when Sara does choose to reject dolling-up and
trying to ape others, she starts building her identity as an intelligent, studious
person, and – more importantly – this tension between the two ‘options’ eventually
disappears. In a later passage where she picks out her first suit, she does
not feel out of place in it, and she no longer wears her make-up and clothes
to merely ape the identities of other people, because her own identity as a
teacherin and a person in her own right, has been created, built up and made
secure.
Work Cited
Yezierska, Anzia. Bread Givers. New York: Persea Books, 1975.
|
